I Reckon Life

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Facts or Fantasy?

Cross posting from my other blog; from jokes to ponderings!

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be sleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us


Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

_________________________________________________________

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:


5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't cum

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV



Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

_________________________________________________________

Thanks to our depriving & exhausting urban lifestyles complicated by sexual conservatism & sorry state of teenage sex education :(

Current Mood: went off on one of my censurable tangents!
Current Thought: What % of Indian women might be living unsatiated lives - knowingly & UNKNOWINGLY, both ???

Monday, March 06, 2006

How is it to live in Bra?

Yes, you heard it right! Living in the bra!

Imagine this:

you : Hi! long time no see.
me : Hey! Its just that I have changed places, hence ....
you : wow! So where are you living these days?
me : In bra!
you : WTF ?!?!?!

So something clicked in your head ??

Ok Ok, here is that bra - have a look yourself ;) Some more info on wikipedia.

Now dont curse me :P

~~~

updated later: Oops that site talks about:
"Let Us Watch Bra for You"
"Bra Deals"
"Hot deals"
"Write a review. What was your experience with Bra? Tell others what's hot and what's not."
"Bra Maps".
*sigh*

{updated 15th March}: I am sorry for those people who might be 'hurt' by such a post - taking the cat out of the bag - talking of bras in open :O
Oh my god what a pervert! Well but then my mom wears one!
Damn Hypocrites! You girls would wear a bra everyday but still be uncomfortable to see just the name in public? WTF ?!?!?! Do you feel ashamed wearing it or wat? Thankfully such people dont live in this bra city, would have died of shame! But then what about the ones living on
Lesbos Island - origin of the word lesbian though its got nothing to do with the people living there!

Wats wrong with a bra? In fact you might as well appreciate its use and history - go read it
HERE. Perversion I believe comes with intentions not thru' knowledge of something as basic & quintessential as a bra.
I might as well add that I find them beautiful & OKAY! And I dont mind asking my sister about them {Thankfully she isn't a moron, she is a doctor so understands} And discuss
sizing and measurements with my GF!

Oh and I came across this link while reading CIA's world factbook :D